How to Build or Rebuild Intimacy In Your Relationship

Being in a new relationship feels fun, care-free, and extremely passionate. It seems you’re always having an amazing time with your partner and you can’t keep your hands off of each other! Your love for one another deepens as the years pass and things couldn’t get better-- until the so-called ‘honeymoon’ phase ends. Life happens-- work and family take precedence and often the intimacy between you and your partner begins to wane. The gradual decline of intimacy can cause a noticeable shift in your relationship and couples often struggle with how to cope with this change and rekindle the romance once again. If you and your partner are currently in this funk and desire to slowly build up intimacy again, read on for some great starter tips. 

Understand What Intimacy Is and Start Slow 

Despite the connotation of the word, intimacy means much more than just sex. In fact, by definition intimacy is the closeness and attachment you hold with another person. Close friends share a special type of intimacy for each other that helps mold their relationship. On the other hand, couples should be both close friends (if not best friends!) and lovers to one another. 

Being intimate with your partner can be as simple as cozying up on the couch with your favorite snack and a movie, going out for a walk or a date, even doing absolutely nothing but lounging together! Spending time with your partner and feeling close, loved, and appreciated works a long way to building and sustaining intimacy. 

Talk, Talk, Talk! 

It can be difficult to understand the reasons behind this change in your relationship. As mentioned, there are a number of contributing factors for a decline in intimacy: children, work, stress, unresolved issues, and much more. Yet the only way to work together to resolve the issue is to talk about it on a deep and personal level. 

Set aside some alone time with your partner to just talk, you don’t have to start right away with the elephant in the room. Discuss memories, hopes, plans, and other topics to get the conversation flow started in a lighthearted and positive direction. Once the topic is brought up, remember to stay open-minded, attentive, and optimistic when your partner expresses their feelings and ideas about your relationship from their own point of view. 

Be Spontaneous! 

Doing new and exciting things with your partner may be just the thing you need to start spicing things up in the bedroom again. Sometimes all it takes is breaking routine and interrupting the usual "mundaneness" of daily life. Surprise your partner with a random date night or a nice gesture such as a massage, flowers, a note. Take a day off of work and spend the entire day deciding what to do on a whim rather than making an actual plan. You’ll be surprised at the rush of exhilaration and emotion that comes along with spontaneity. 

The longer you’ve been together, chances are that intimacy has declined at some point. But there are so many simple things you can start doing today to recharge that spark and get as close to your partner as you both desire.